I said goodbuy to my mother today.
Well, to her body. She has been gone, mentally, for years. I saw her a few times, last week, when we knew what was happening. Then I quit going. That one day when I showed up and she looked at me and said “who are you?” was enough.
The person she is now isn’t the memory of her I want to have. Maybe that sounds cruel, but… the person that is lying in that bed isn’t my Mother. I wanted the mother I have in my memory to live, not the… not what was left of her lying in that hospital bed.
But we, my Dad and I, got up this morning and drove to Cheraw. That’s where both of my parents are from. Don’t worry, you’ve never heard of it. It was a tiny town in South Carolina even back then, and time hasn’t been kind to it.
This was my first visit in probably 35 years. Since my grandparents died.
The town is obviously dying. From the little time I was there, I saw as many abandonded and empty buildings and stores as active ones. But… it was her home.
I also met some family members that I hadn’t seen in decades. I was surprised that they were there.
One of them I didn’t even recognize until she told me who she was. It has been… probably 40 years since I last saw her. I… lost track to most of my family long ago.
I actually turned away from them. But… that’s a long story for another day.
I did tell my mother goodbye. I touched her hand, told her that she had raised me well and that I loved her, then left.
The funeral was… OK. I hated that the preacher felt the need to comment on current events but… it was fine.
We left after the service and drove back to Atlanta.
My Brother and my Mother are now buried there. With his cancer, my Father will probably be there in a year or so.
That leaves me.
My Father had 10 brothers and sisters, but… I’m the last male in the family line. And I have no children. So… the family ends with me.
I have five or six cousins left, and that’s it.
Something to think about.
I’m not sure where I want to go from here.
Leave a Reply